Starbucks

I have always been a fan of coffee, but never starbucks. I like a couple drinks there, and I will go there if I have to. I like to go a coffee shop for the environment it provides, and unfortunately, Starbucks comes off a little stuck up to me, especially the ones in Johnson county. I also don't understand what being in there does to people that turns them into that.

Anyway, I was on a food run for my brother for lunch and decided to go to starbucks since I had a gift card. I went through the drive-thru, and as I pull the lady asks me if I ordered a mocha and a muffin. I distinctly said "no, I ordered just a mocha" I already knew my total, so as she proceeded to say that it was $6, I was a starting to get angry. She finally figured it out and got my order right.

As she handed me my drink, she asked me "do you have eczema?" Not a problem, I don't mind that. I told her no, I have Ichthyosis. Her response?... "Oh, okay. Cause I was gonna say that's the worst case of eczema I've ever seen.."

Really?... really? I don't even know what to say to that. Really..

Double Day at Apple Market

Today's new experience involves two dimwit's at the same store within a period of less than 10 minutes. I was shopping for food at Apple Market with a couple of friends today. As we are walking around looking for something an employee walks over intending to help.

Employee: "Do you guys need help finding anything?"
Me: "No sir. I think we've got it."
Employee: "How about some sunblock?"

I stood there in awe of this question and barely was able to tell him that I have a skin disease. Seriously, you're implying that I'm an idiot who went outside and forgot to put on sunblock. How much nerve does it take to say that to a complete stranger? And to someone who may need help in your store. Congratulations, next time you ask if I need help I may just kick you.

We all then proceeded to the register to check out the fantastic food we were purchasing to make our lunch. The cashier asks me an all too familiar question.

Cashier: "Where did you get burnt?"
Me: "I was born with a skin disease actually."
Cashier: (in disbelief)"You was not."
Me: "Yes I was."
Cashier: "Well I'll be darned."

I'm sorry, I didn't realize people had never heard of skin diseases before. You wouldn't ask a retard why he talks funny. Because he's retarded!!!

Today at Subway

So today I decided to go to the good ol' subway for lunch and get a fantastic $5 footlong meatball marinara. I go through the line, order my sub the way I like- meatball on jalapeno cheese bread with pepper jack cheese, onions, lettuce, jalapenos, and chipotle southwest sauce, all toasted- and proceeded to the register. I hand the cashier my debit card and so asks to see my ID. She looks intently at the name and picture, lifts her eyes to make the connection with the picture, double checks the names on both cards, hands me my ID and swipes the card. As the card is being authorized she proceeds to say

"Other than the paint on your forehead you look the same."

Other than the paint on my forehead? I'm dressed in business casual. Do I look like a painter? I haven't been around paint in over a year. What about the massive beard that I didn't have when I was 18? That doesn't look any different. As I continued to tell her that the "paint on my forehead" was actually a skin disease she did not apologize. She instead said that she assumed because "I got paint on my head once when the brush hit my head." Yeah, I'm so retarded with a paint brush I forgot my head wasn't the wall.

Today at Target

So I walked into Target today to get some clothes. When I go to the check out the lady like usually looks at me weird and proceeds to open her mouth.

Girl: did you burn your face?

Did I burn my face? Yeah, the stove was on and it looked like a nice pillow. Seriously? Not, did you get a sun burn? What goes through peoples minds before they ask me these things?

Hy-Vee

This story is one of my personal favorites. I am going to try and keep these stories as real and accurate as possible. This will require the use of some bad language in some cases, but not on my part.

So I was hanging out with one of my friends at 1am and we went to Hy-Vee to get some drinks. As we grab the drinks we head to the check out. The cashiers eyes are blood shot, and he was acting a bit loopy. Maybe he was drunk, maybe he was high. As he scans my drink he looks at me and says

Cashier: Dude, is that a sunburn?
Me: Nope, I was born with a skin disease.
Cashier: NO S***! That's f***ing crazy!

This is the first time anyone has made me laugh hysterically with their response.

New approach

So I haven't blogged in a while. Too much to do usually. But due to some recent events I've decided I'm going to update on a regular basis now, but with a different aproach. I've decided to share my thoughts on the area of my life I don't share with anyone. Everyday I get asked I have some sort of sunburn I what's the deal with my skin. Many of these stories are very funny, and very annoying. I'll start with telling a few older stories tomorrow, and then keep the new daily stories coming as they happen, and if I deem them interesting enough and qorthy to be posted.